The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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