it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
