im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
