I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
