what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Randomize
