I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
