it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I AM VODKA MAN
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
