I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
