I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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