Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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