I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
