the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
