I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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