He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
