Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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