I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
