STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
