Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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