I think I died a long time ago.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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