Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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