Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Boobs are out for the taking
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
