i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She announced her abortion via fbk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
