my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
