Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize