Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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