we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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