it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I sprained my soul last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have started to decorate penises.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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