um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
