Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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