I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just threw up on my dentist
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
