I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
