it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
