Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
