Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
