He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
