If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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