I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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