I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just invented taco cereal.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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