I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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