I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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