it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
