wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize