I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
