last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
