First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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