my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
