Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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