I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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