Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
