I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My liver just had a heart attack.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i out mim tonsoeep
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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