All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize