last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
its liver damage thursday
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
