in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
