someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
