Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
