It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
