Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
