you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
