she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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