Your face is a jimmy john
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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