You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
