I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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