Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
