Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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