im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
