He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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