She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
