I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No subtext here. People are naked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You took a bar mat shot.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pants are for mortals
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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